


If Not You, Who?

by orphan_account



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben Solo Lives, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Developing Finnpoe, F/M, Finn tries his best, Kylo Ren Redemption, M/M, Poe Not So Much, Post-Canon Fix-It, Rey decides to wear the pants, Reylo - Freeform, smut in later chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:15:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24557518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Ben Solo lives. And now he has to deal with some of the hardest things he has ever had to do - live with his sins, try to make amends, and try to keep himself from showing a certain brunette just how much he really wants to be under her.He thinks he can give it his best shot. That is, unless Poe kills him first.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 16
Kudos: 28





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Star Wars fic! Hopefully you guys like it!

Seeing her body, unmoving, was what broke him.

Ben Solo clutched Rey to his chest, crying very real tears, allowing himself to let go of the final vestiges of the persona he had built up. Allowing himself to be human again - just a man grieving the loss of his last glimmer of hope. 

Rey's eyes were still open. This was the first time he had seen them without her fire. Cold, azoic. 

Dead.

_No._

Ben blinked rapidly, trying to clear away the water clouding his vision. He could feel a flicker of her life force. She was not all gone. Not yet.

But by the time he took her to her comrades, she would be.

For a moment, Ben contemplated dying with her. No one was waiting for him. His parents were dead. The Resistance despised him. The entire galaxy loathed his existence.

But Rey didn't. He wasn't presumptuous enough to think she liked him, but she didn't hate him either. If not, she wouldn't have healed-

 _Force healing._

When she had done it to him, he had learnt the motions. Recognised how her energy had flowed through every inch of his body, breathing life into him. If he could replicate it-

_But how much energy would it take?_

He was weak. He had had to drag himself to reach her.

But if his life could be given for her's- 

He held her closer, understanding that it might be the last time he would get to feel her. Then, he slowly released his grasp, allowing her body to fall lower. He placed his right palm on her stomach, and closed his eyes.

_Wake up, Rey._

He focused on pushing all his energy into her. 

_Wake up._

His breathing became laboured. It was suddenly so **difficult** to sit upright. So **difficult** to keep his eyes open. Ben realised that he might run out soon. But Rey was still so cold.

_Please._

A door opened, and Ben felt a rush of energy run through him. Had he always had such strength? Why did it take him so long to access it?

This miracle, however, did not happen again. The next time Ben's eyelids started weighing on him, he realised he was almost completely spent.

Rey still did not move. But she felt **warm.** So **warm.**

He waited until he could feel a steady heartbeat. Then, he let go and crumbled. 

***************

When he woke up, Rey's face was all he could see. She was shaking him, her cheeks tear streaked and red. **Alive.**

"Ben-" She breathed. He waited, still wondering if this was a dream. 

She pulled him up ( _she is strong_ , he thought, or maybe he was just that weak ) and brought him into a crushing embrace. 

"Ben-" She said, nuzzling her face against his neck. "Ben."

"Rey-" He smiled. 

She pulled back the next second, looking at him with awe. It took him a while to realise that it was a reaction to his smile. 

Well, that would make anyone smile even wider, wouldn't it? 

She mirrored him, returning his toothy smile, before she pulled him in and pressed her lips against his. 


	2. Homecoming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter two!
> 
> This will be slow, so the smut is still a little away, but I hope to make the wait worth it!

He walked behind her as they made their way to where she sensed her comrades were. She had to stop multiple times along the way to press the terrified man to go with her.

"It will ruin the celebration-" He protested. 

"You did your part when it counted the most!" She argued. 

"Barely cleaning up the mess I caused-"

"Shut up and follow me."

"They'll hate you too-"

She marched to him and pulled him down by his clothes.

"Shut up. And **follow. Me."**

He flushed, but made no further comments. And Ray took his hand, forcing him to walk close to her, trying not to dwell on the way he had looked at her. 

Kylo Ren looked at her with _hunger._ She was used to that. Many men regarded her with the same eyes. 

Ben Solo looked at her with _longing._ And she was sure she reciprocated it. After all, their connection - the force bond - it felt even stronger now. She felt a need to be closer, as close as possible, but sated herself by just taking him by the hand. 

_Later,_ she promised herself.

********************

Finn appeared to have known she was coming before she got there. He met her before they reached the others, almost as if he had been waiting to confront her alone.

And by the expression on his face, he had sensed Ben too.

The lanky man shrank behind her. 

"Why is _he_ here?" Finn asked, barely controlled fury flickering behind his words. 

Rey stepped forward, still holding Ben by the hand, though she could sense him through the bond, begging her to let go. 

_Please don't take the blame for me_ , he asked. _I deserve to be doubted. Not you._

"He _turned,_ Finn." Rey said confidently. "He helped me defeat Palpatine." 

"He killed **thousands."** Finn growled. "He **tortured** Poe. He **tortured** you." He took one step forward the same time Ben managed to free his hand from her clutch.

"He **killed** Han!" Finn shouted, breaking into a run. Ben pushed Rey aside, standing still, letting the younger man punch him square on the face. 

Finn recoiled in shock. He hadn't expected to actually land it. 

Ben was still staring at the ground, blood dripping from his nose and his upper lip split. "I _know."_ He whispered. 

_See_ , he spoke to her, _I don't belong here_. 

Finn snapped out of his shock. "Rey, what are you doing, bringing him here-" his eyes showed disbelief and disappointment. "It doesn't matter if he helped at the end. That doesn't negate every other fucking thing he has done to us-"

Ben finally met his gaze. "I know I'll never be able to make amends… for what I've done." He said, voice trembling. "Nor for everything I just… shut my eyes to. But I wish to spend the rest of my life serving the light."

"He was manipulated, Finn-" Rey said, "You of all people should know how that feels-"

"I was **sold,** Rey!" Finn interrupted. "The Order was all I knew. He-" he pointed an accusatory finger at the man. "He had a FAMILY. People who **LOVED** him. And he **CHOSE** to leave-"

Ben listened silently, unmoving. But Rey felt turmoil inside him. Felt his spirit break. Felt his intense guilt. Intense sorrow. 

She walked towards her enraged friend and embraced him, trying to reach the kind soul she **knew** he was.

"I'm not asking you to forgive him, Finn." She said. "But please. Place your trust in **me.** I want to give him a chance." She felt him relax ever so slightly. 

"I owe it to Leia." Rey said. The final blow. 

Finn's shoulders drooped.

"I know." Finn whispered. "She never gave up hope.. but its so hard-"

Ben cleared his throat awkwardly. "You-" He began timidly. "You can punch me as many times as you want." 

The sight of him, looking so unlike Kylo Ren, with a bloody streak across his face, was enough to push Finn to incredulous laughter. 

"Are you seriously trying to bribe me? You dumb fucker-" He spluttered. "What the fuck happened to you? Gave up your tough boy act so fast?"

Ben shrugged, allowing himself a sheepish smile. "It got old-"

Finn interrupted him with another bout of laughter. "Your teeth are fucking _red-"_ he pushed Rey away, waving his hand in a gesture to ask them to go. "Get him cleaned up. We can't let him in when he's all bloody like that-"

Rey looked at him with gratitude. Finn met her eyes with a small grin. 

"Don't get me wrong. I still hate the fuck out of him." He said. "But that's not the Jedi way, is it?" He pointed a finger at Ben once again. "I hate you, you bastard."

Ben nodded. "I respect that."

"Shut the fuck up."

****************************

Though the surviving members of the resistance had noticed Rey lead an unfamiliar injured man to a ship, no one pursued it. 

Except, of course, a certain pilot, who was barely held back by Finn, the latter whispering something to calm him down. 

Rey felt Ben stiffen, but this time, he didn't shrink. 

"He recognised you?" She asked. 

Ben pointedly looked away. "We have history." 

Deciding not to prod further than necessary, Rey led Ben to a place where they could be alone. She found the ship's first aid box and busied herself with taking care of the injured giant in front of her. 

"Sit down", she snapped, annoyed at the stubborn medicine tube that refused to spit its contents out. Ben watched her fail again and again, before moving his fingers slightly, using the force to squeeze the medicine out.

"Why didn't I think of that?" Ray muttered, turning her attention to the gauze next. She wet it with some water from a nearby sink (no time to worry about whether the water was hygienic or not) and started to slowly dab at the wounds on Ben's face. 

The man watched her every move, drinking in the sight of her, marvelling at the fact that she was fussing over him like this. 

It was like something from his dreams.

She nudged his legs with her hand. "Open up." She ordered. "I need to get closer. Your legs are too long-" 

And Ben Solo spread his legs. 

She seemed immune to the proximity, and he felt embarrassed at how much it was affecting _him._ By this point, she had moved on to applying medicine, her touch soft and nimble across his wounds. 

Her fingers brushed across his cut lip.

"Do you put medicine on bruised lips?" She wondered out loud. 

"I'd rather you not." He supplied. "As long as its clean, I think its okay." 

_You can't kiss with medicine on your lips._

"What?" Rey asked, suddenly meeting his gaze.

"What?" He repeated, too stunned to say anything else. All this time he'd been trying to stop himself from getting his hopes up, and -

Rey's lips were soft against his. He leaned into the kiss, enjoying it, how soft she was, how good it felt, how-

She broke the kiss, and leaned back to smile at him. 

"Welcome home, Ben." She said, softly dabbing at his lips again.

The kiss tasted like metal. It had reopened the wound. 

"Home." He repeated. But his heart still wavered. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope it wasn't too OOC. I love Finn, I wish I could have seen more than what he had seen of him, especially in TRoS. So this was my attempt to bridge in some of the gaps in his character, and make his adaptability shine.


	3. Confrontation

"Where the hell is he?" 

Poe Dameron kicked open the door of the ship, waking Ben and Rey with the sheer chaos he caused. He found them immediately, his face fuming, whilst Finn stood behind him, a picture of pure helplessness. 

Ben was immediately alert, while Ray took her time to get on her feet. "You're too early-" she complained. 

Poe looked at her with disgust. "You _slept_ with him?"

"I couldn't just leave him alone-" Rey protested, ignoring the innuendo. "People might have tried to hurt him."

"Finn tells me he's turned _good_ now?" Poe spat. "A little too late, wasn't it?"

"You can punch me-" Ben finally broke his silence.

Finn broke into laughter once again. 

"Seriously, dude. Do you have a thing for getting punched?" He asked, doubled over. Poe hit him on his back, a little too hard to be playful.

"He has a thing for murder." The pilot said. "I don't like him."

"I don't like **you** either." Ben muttered, loud enough for everyone to hear. Rey wondered why he behaved so differently towards Poe, especially since he had been so meek when meeting Finn.

 _We have history_ , he had said. Had they met before?

Poe stepped closer, his eyes trained on Ben's injured face. He raised his eyebrows in wonder, then turned to Finn.

"You punched him **good."**

"I punched him **good."** Finn repeated, a little proud. 

**"You** punched **Kylo Ren-"** Poe continued, placing his hands on his friend's shoulders and shaking him in excitement. "You damned **devil!** You're **amazing-"**

"Yeah, I kind of am." Finn grinned.

"To be fair, he let himself get punched-" Rey interrupted, a little amused at how starstruck Poe seemed. He barely noticed her. 

Finn was the one who broke out of the trance first.

"So, what are you gonna do with him now?" He questioned. "The others might let him stay, because of who he is and all- but even they can't _fully_ excuse his actions-"

"It's his homecoming-" Rey began, only to be cut off by Poe.

"Homecoming?" He spluttered. "Welcomed because of who he is? What are you both talking about?"

Ben lowered his head again. Both Rey and Finn had gone silent. _Most of the people in the Resistance didn't know_ , she realised. _They never knew who Kylo Ren really was._

Ben realised the two were being polite, waiting for him, to see if he was fine with divulging the root of his guilt. He was touched that they still gave him whatever dignity they could.

"Kylo Ren-" He began, forcing himself to look at Poe. The best pilot in the organization. The boy he had hated. The man he had tortured. The man whose memories had showed him a face of his mother _he_ had never seen-

"Kylo Ren is not my real name."

Poe sneered. "Of course not. We all knew that. It sounds like something a little kid playing hero would make up-"

"My name is Ben Solo."

"Ben So-" Poe's eyes widened in recognition. 

Rey stepped in between him and Ben the same time Finn reached out to hold him back from charging at the older man.

 **"YOU** BROKE **HER** HEART-" Poe screamed. "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA, ANY IDEA WHAT YOU MADE HER GO THROUGH?" He choked. "You **MURDERED** your own FATHER."

Behind her, Rey sensed Ben shudder. He was holding back tears again, she realised. She wondered if she had done the wrong thing, pulling him back before he had come to terms with his sins himself. 

She tried to reach out to him through the bond, but she couldn't get in. He had shut her out of his mind. 

_What are you feeling, Ben?_

"Poe, I get that you're upset but you need to calm down-" Finn said, "He just got back. Let's give him some space-"

"Its okay. We're leaving, anyway." Rey said, placing a hand on Ben's shoulder and sending Poe a pointed glare. "Hopefully by the time we return, you can calm yourself down."

"Why are you treating me like _I'm_ the villian here?" Poe muttered, the same time Finn asked "Where are you going?"

Rey blinked. She hadn't thought that far ahead. The idea had just sprung into her mind when she thought of taking Ben away-

"Tatooine." She said. "To return Anakin Skywalker's lightsaber." She gave Ben a slight smile. "Its only right that I have his grandson with me when I do it."

Ben cleared his throat. "I don't think-"

"Absolutely **not!"** Poe said. "You're going alone.. with _him?_ You don't even know him-"

"I know him." Rey challenged. "And I want to know more."

"Are you sure, Rey?" Finn's voice was softer, like he was chastising an unruly child. "What if he turns again?"

"If I turn again, she kills me." Ben said, his voice suddenly robbed of his new meekness. "And I will let her."

"It won't come to that." Rey whispered, holding his gaze. "I no longer feel the pull of the dark side in you."

Poe and Finn shared a look. 

"Are you seeing this shit?" Poe whispered. "What are they making eyes at each other for?"

Finn shrugged. They didn't look at each other as past enemies would. It made him wonder if there were things Ray was hiding from them. When did they have enough time to develop… an actual bond?

A bond so deep that she would travel to another planet with him?

"When are you leaving?" He asked, letting go of Poe, but still gently touching his forearm. 

"As soon as we get a ship. And some supplies." Rey answered. "Today, if possible?" 

It came out like a question. Ben nodded. 

_It wasn't planned,_ Finn realised. Rey was just desperate to get him out. 

"Okay." He agreed, conscious of the way Poe swung his head to look at him in shock. "Poe and I will get everything ready." He nodded towards Ben. "You need clothes, big guy?"

"Yes." Ben said, self consciously pulling at his tattered pants. Then he added, "…thank you."

Finn shook his head. 

"Man, that punch really did you some good."

**********************

Rey noticed that Poe was still pointedly ignoring Ben, even as he handed him a heavy bag containing clothes. Finn had kept his word. A small ship was ready for them, with enough provisions to last them longer than what a round trip to Tatooine would require. 

Her friends were still on edge, warning her to be careful, that though the First Order was destroyed, there would still be errant sympathisers roaming around. 

She hugged Finn, and a very reluctant Poe, before joining Ben inside the ship. He had entered it as soon as the time had come for good bye, electing to sit inside alone rather than stand awkwardly and watch Rey's friends ignore his existence. 

"Ready?" She asked, taking her position at the pilot seat. Ben settled on the co-pilot seat, awkwardly twisting around, trying to fit his large frame on it. He looked embarassed. 

"Uh, is it okay if-"

Rey passed him a lightsaber. "We'll tell them it was an accident."

Ren gave a thankful half smile, before igniting the weapon and neatly carving off a bit of the raised end of the seat. He then returned it to her, finally able to sit. 

Rey noticed that a bit of him was still outside, but decided not to comment on it.

 _Maybe the junk traders would have a larger seat. Something that could carry his… assets better_. 

She slapped her forehead. 

"Mosquito." She lied to a very concerned Ben. "Lets prepare for takeoff. Put your seat belt on."

He didn't seem satisfied, but did as she told him to.

******************** 

Finn watched the ship disappear into the sky.

"I hope she knows what she's doing." He sighed. "She doesn't think half the time. Just does something and goes _oh no"._

"We'll see." Poe said. 

"Yeah, right. Knowing her, she won't say anything even if we ask-"

"No-" Poe clarified, throwing a key to the surprised boy. "We'll see. Literally. Start packing." He flashed a grin. "We're tailing them."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked today's chapter!   
> I've made some changes to Poe's and Ben's relationship - slight changes that are hopefully still in line with their canon one.


	4. Warmth

Ben let out an audible sigh of relief when he found that despite its compact size, the ship contained two beds after all. 

Two very _narrow_ beds, but still.

"I've put it on autopilot-" Ray yawned, stretching her hands. Ben noticed that as the fabric of her dressed stretched with the action, he could barely make out something he never thought he would see in his wildest dreams. 

He immediately put up walls in his mind, worried that Rey would sense his lust. 

This was wrong, wrong, so **wrong.**

Rey was staring at him. He met her eyes and cocked an eyebrow.

"Will you be able to fit?" She asked, gesturing to the bed. 

Ben shrugged. "I'll manage."

He took off his shoes, sweeping his feet across the floor experimentally. "Or I'll just take the floor. Seems clean enough."

"Must be so hard to be so big-" Rey purred, and Ben had to put up his walls again. 

The fact that he was in a closed space, alone with her, had been enough to lull him into imagining all the sinful things he wanted to do with her. 

"This is nothing-" He said, attempting to ease the tension between them. "Uncle Che-" And then he stopped. 

Rey sat on her bed, her eyes trained at him.

"Uncle Chu?" 

"Its nothing." He said. _Please don't ask. Not right now._

"Okay." She said. _Later?_

 _Later_.

***********************

Ben couldn't sleep. His bed was, in fact, too little to contain him comfortably, and he regretted not just taking the floor from the beginning. 

And it was so fucking cold. Why was it so cold?

He spread his bedsheets on the floor. It was decidedly colder there, but still better than waking up with a body ache the next day.

Rey was still asleep, and he gave himself a moment to really look at her. She'd only just finished a grand, tiring fight, and now she was on a ship again, instead of resting, just so he could catch a break-

She groaned and moved slightly. The movement made her sheet fall off, and he saw her scrunch her face in her sleep, annoyed by the sudden lack of warmth. 

He never dared dream that he would one day see something so… _domestic._

And of course, like the dumbass he was, he tripped over his sheets as he moved to fetch her's.

Rey stirred. She propped herself up on the bed, one fist gently rubbing an eye as she struggled to keep the other open. "Ben?"

"I didn't mean to wake you." He apologised. "Bed was too small after all. Figured I'll try again here."

She sniffed. "Its cold."

"Space is cold." He replied, handing her back the blanket. "Now go back to sleep."

"Its cold." She repeated, as if she were waiting for him to say something. 

"Do you want my blanket too?" 

She rolled her eyes, or tried to. They were still half lidded in sleep. 

"Let me sleep with you." She said. "You look like you'd be warm."

He stiffened. "What-"

"When you healed me-" She continued, moving across her bed to sink to the floor. With him. "When you healed me, it felt so warm."

She placed one hand on his thigh. "Can I?"

 _Dangerous,_ he thought. 

But she was shivering, and he was a scoundrel, and he couldn't think with her smell all around him in that small space. So he laid down, and patted the ground before him.

She happily obeyed. She settled into his arms, moving until she got comfortable. Until her ass was pressed against his semi-hard cock.

"Rey-" He felt the need to apologise. But she had already slipped back to sleep. 

He tried to keep as much distance between them as possible as he slowly let sleep take over him as well.

*******************

Rey woke up to a lightsaber hilt pressed right against her ass. 

The sensation was weird, though not wholly unwelcome, and she had assumed that the metal would be colde-

Their lightsabers were nestled safely in a hanging bag, right where she had kept them.

 ** _Oh_** , she realised. Not a grain of sleep was left in her. Every cell of her's was alive. Dangerously so.

She shifted, attempting to move and escape before Ben would wake up to humiliation. Instead, the movement made him moan softly as he pulled her closer to him. 

_The sounds he made..._

She moved again, this time deliberately, and was rewarded by a moan even more delicious than the first.

It had been so long since she had felt that rush of heat. And the fact that it was Ben behind her, Ben's hardness pressing between her cheeks, just served to make the whole thing sexier. 

And it felt right. Oh _so_ right.

She moved again, making sure he could feel it. Half asleep, he responded in kind, grinding against her slowly. 

And then he stopped. 

"Fuck- I'm so sorry-" He pulled himself back from her as if he had been burned, hitting his head on the bedframe in the process. "Rey I didn't mean to- I'm so sorry-"

Rey looked at him, flushed and confused. "Why are you apologising?"

"Rey, I did something-" He gulped. "Something I never should have- Never meant to take advantage of you like this-" He clutched his face in his palms. "You can hit me. Please hit me-" 

She tried to not look too disappointed. She had assumed that Ben had started to see their relationship as she had. As something intimate - something that transcended all others. Something that drove her need to be close to him at all times. And what closer way to be connected physically than the act of-

"I don't mind. At all." She whispered. "I _liked_ it."

"Please don't say that-" Ben groaned, massaging the slight bump on his head. "You don't know what you're saying."

She couldn't fight the anger in her any longer. 

How dare he interpret her words for her?

"I'm very well aware of what I _say_ and what I _mean."_ She said, acid in her tone. "I don't need you to dictate for me."

He watched her walk away. 

His heart was hammering in his chest, replaying her words. 

_I liked it. I liked it. I liked it._

_She liked the **closeness**_ **,** he thought. He understood that. He craved her presence just as much as she did his. It was a feeling that had been present ever since their bond first opened up, and now it was amplified by their physical proximity.

But he also craved _**her.**_ He wanted to touch her, kiss her, whisper his love and adoration as he moved inside her. He had entertained such fantasies even before he turned, but now they had taken on a softer quality. Now, when he imagined her touching him, it was out of love and not just lust.

He kept forgetting the weight of the sins he carried. Forgetting that he would never deserve her, even in a thousand lifetimes. 

It was dangerous, this hope. It would ruin whatever they had now.

And if he acted on it, he would bring her down with him.

So for her sake, he would keep his feelings to himself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ben Solo dragging out his pining until Rey fucks some sense into him, amiright?


End file.
